Thursday, March 18, 2010


For me sadness and grief have always been a funny thing, if you'll forgive my choice of word there. There are a few things that stand out in my memory as truly sad events in my life. The memories of these things sneak up on me at the strangest times and I usually feel better if I give in and cry a little.

Today, melancholia snuck up and hit me over the head so I've put the kids to bed, put some Celine on real low and sat down for a date with my blog.

When I was about 10 I met one of the best friends I'd ever have. Her name was Dalia and she was everything you ever wanted in a friend. I remember the first day we met. I had heard about her from my dad and he wondered if she and I might like to meet.

Dalia and I hit it off immediately and we were soon as close as sisters. For about 3 years we were inseparable. We'd have sleepovers and talk all night long about things we'd be when we grew up, about our wedings and about where we would live. We would be neighbors. We promised we'd name our daughers after each other.

But in one night everything changed forever. Dalia's parents were driving home one night and passed through a small river they'd crossed, that we'd crossed, by car many times before and without warning a flash flood from the mountians washed down and swept their car away. They both drowned and Dalia and her brothers went to live with a close family friend of theirs in another city and I never saw her again. Just like that.

If I had known it was the last time I'd see her I would have held her longer when we parted. But how could I have known? Now a desperate sob wells up in my throat every time I think about her.

Losing my niece 7 years ago is another thing that covers me in a dark cloud. She was 12. She was abducted and made to suffer. She was murdered. Just like that. So cruel and unforgiving is man and his sin and selfishness.

In the summer of 2005 I lost my baby to miscarriage. It was a hard blow and made me spin in ways I never imagined.

Then 2 summers ago we burried our friends' baby. He had fallen 5 stories to his death. As I looked at the tiny white coffin I couldn't help but wonder if he was scared as he fell. I tried not to let the image play in my mind. It was hard not to. It's still so overwhelmingly sad and I think about it every day.

As sad as these things are for me I know that God still loves me and those people involved in the stories I shared and not once did He turn His back on us.

Everybody suffers. It's part of the world we live in. Bad things happen and we can't undo them. Whether the suffering comes through an act of nature or an act of aggression from another human being, we've all been there and have felt sorrow and deep sadness.

People say that time heals all wounds. That's not true at all. It's Jesus and His work on the cross that heals our wounds. When we see things in the light of eternity we can feel the hope and the peace that comes from Him alone.