Saturday, January 31, 2009

A Link And An Opinion

I've never liked the "Growing Kids God's Way" series or the methods they teach. I've known a few families who swear by them and have tried to influence us in taking the Ezzos' advice but it just never sat well with us.

I hesitate to say that I have learned nothing from the Ezzos. Some of their discipline methods have worked with our children as they got older. But mostly I can say that I've learned what not to do from them.

Here is a link to a blog post written by one of my favorite authors. She has very eloquently put into words what I and many other people have always felt.

Here's a tip for the many new moms out there who might be reading right now: When our firstborn, Nate, was an infant I hated scheduling and was made to feel like a failure by some of my friends who thought he should be allowed to "cry it out" (controversially called the Ferber method) or that I held him too much or nursed too often. I hated scheduling but I didn't wan him to rule my universe either! I was sad and depressed and absolutely sure I was the worse mother in the world! Hetee and I were miserable and needed help.

When Nate was about 5 weeks old I was given a book that saved my life: The Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg. It was about routines NOT scheduling. I read it and learned to apply it and it has been the basis of my philosophy in training all 3 of my children as infants. I have also helped countless Mongolian couples to successfully apply it as well. It works for people like me who are a bit more laid back and willing to take the time and try to understand why our baby is crying, and who don't mind nursing for comfort not just for nutritional purposes. (scowl)

If you're in the "new mom" stage of life I really recommend "The Baby Whisperer"! It taught me to connect with my baby (and other babies I have helped). Buy the book; thank me later. They're not paying me to say that, believe it or not.

As our kids got older, we began implementing advice from a wonderful couple whose parents we know. Phil and Cynthia Phillips' parenting material has been a huge help to us and to many Mongolian parents as well. We were given their materials years ago and asked to translate them. Pray that can happen soon!

Here's one last link I would like to leave you with, if you're interested in learning more about why others don't trust the Ezzos. I'm not 100% against them and, like I said before, I probably at some time or another implemented their advice with some success. But I'm glad I followed my instincts and went against the grain when I did.

What are your thoughts?


Sue said...

I totally agree with you. I tried the Babywise thing, and it just did not sit well with me. It also just didn't work for me and my babies. I had lots of nursing problems, and I truly had to nurse often and not on some schedule decided by someone else. My babies just did not thrive on a three hour schedule at first. We always worked our way into a nice routine that worked for US within 6 weeks or so, and none of them nursed every hour and a half forever;). All four of them are very good sleepers now, too.

I do have friends in the US that used Babywise, and still love it and swear by it. Their kids are fine. I think it just happened to work for those parents and those kids. It is not for everyone -- not me for sure!

The thing I find interesting is that the Ezzos, and some of the parents I know who use Babywise, are so strong about not letting the baby rule the home and be the center of everything. I found, though, that the way I did things was much more flexible, and I ended up with kids who adapt well. As babies/toddlers they could sleep anywhere I took them (in a carrier, or nursing to sleep, or just cuddling on my lap).

The kids of my Babywise friends had to be at home, in their own bed, in the dark, with the white noise maker, and on and on. At the very least they needed to have a portable playpen for the baby to go to sleep in if they were going to be at a friend's home, but ususally they were rushing home to make sure baby (or toddler) could go to sleep in his own bed (otherwise the child could not sleep!). I always felt that my Babywise friends were so tied to the baby's sleep schedule. That would drive me crazy.

That's my 2 yen, for what it's worth!

to-obey-is-better said...

Eleven years ago we bought the book because our daughter wasn't sleeping. I read it and it made my spirit feel heavy.
We didn't use it....later I was given the book by someone else and immediately put it into the trash. (Not a book I'd give to anyone)

Our kids adjusted great and can sleep and travel anywhere! We weren't and aren't tied down to a schedule.

My husband and I say that for the VERY little that is good in the Babywise books, you can find that "good" in other books that are much more balanced.


Gombojav Tribe said...

We got the Baby Wise book on the recommendation of a mutual friend. We tried it for a month or two with Meg. We soon realized it was not for us. It just wasn't the way that God parented us! It left us nervous and second-guessing our instincts. We soon chucked that!

And as you know, we do the pretty much opposite now! Baby wearing, co-sleeping, nursing on demand and we are much more RELAXED! Free to listen to the Lord, the baby, and not the method.

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with most of those. Each child is different and different things worked for them. Man had to be moving to sleep. I tried riding around in the car until he fell asleep and as soon as I would stop he would wake up. I found that when I wrapped him up in a blanket and put him in his swing he would sleep all night. After he outgrew the swing, I tried to let him cry it out and I cried ore than he did! Many of my nights were spent cuddled with him in our recliner napping until he slept on his own. Leah

Marnie said...

I never read the Ezzo's book, or any other child rearing books. I just mothered how it felt natural to me. I nursed my babies often, whenever they needed it and never put them on a schedule (except for night bedtime). I had (still have) very happy, well adjusted children who knew they were loved and trusted that their needs would be met. They did not rule the roost, they knew who was in charge, and still do as teenagers.

My personal opinion is that it is very important to find an older mother who has raised children that you would like your children to be like. Get close to her in a mentoring relationship and glean as much as you can from her. (Titus 2)

All too often, young mothers will read books written by MEN who have never mothered children but think they are the experts. Something is wrong with that. God told the older WOMEN to teach the younger women. God knows better than we do!

~~BTW, I do feel a wee-bit guilty about my funny warm weather post. :-) I could not imagine -35 temps! My bones hurt just thinking about it. I truly hope you are staying warm, and remember to wear a hat!!!! and correct gloves!!!

rem said...

When I was first pregnant a Christian friend gave me Preparation for Parenthood which is the religious version of Baby wise. I read it and we used some of it particulary the sleep, nurse, play part. It didn't cause any problem for me until my son hit 5 months and suddenly stopped sleeping through the night. I began to feel like if I nursed him I would be "giving in" The Ezzo's set you up to have a power struggle with your baby long before they are even capable of that kind of manipulation. The worst thing about Prep for Parenthood though, is the use of scripture. To support letting your baby cry it out they use Jesus calling out to His Father from the cross and God not responding! There was other scripture use that made me scratch my head, but that's the only one I remember right off. Whatever we used from Prep with baby #1, we didn't use at all with #2. And I wouldn't even look at G KGW which I noticed at the bookstore today as the secular title Child Wise. Thanks for the recommendation Of The baby Whisperer-- I'll check it out for #3!